dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
