First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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