How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
