Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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