Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You made out with two different species that night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
