My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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