smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
