Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
