I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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