she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
