so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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