Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
