If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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