i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
