Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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