i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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