Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
