Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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