I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
