well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize