things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
