Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
