i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
