Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
