nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize