My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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