In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
