Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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