I'm drive I can fine osifer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Im part way to drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize