Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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