I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
