I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
