I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
