Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
