You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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