Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
