I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
