When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
