She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
