She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
