i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize