if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have demons in me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
