It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that's an acceptable place to lick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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