You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
