I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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