whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
