You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
