I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
