i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
