There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
