I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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