just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
