Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
