She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
