It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
