i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
