I've blown a few things in my day
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
