You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
