I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
