nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
