I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
