Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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