party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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