drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
