So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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