just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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