Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
